being single

s called me out, haha.  so here i am.  one of my biggest flaws: having so many ideas and so much enthusiasm for something, then failing to follow through because...it doesn't come out perfectly.  i've had so many great ideas for different blog entries but i didn't know where to begin.

so i'll start here.

being single is fun. scary. satisfying. lonely.  & NOT STRESSFUL AT ALL.  why those particular words?

for the first time in three years and a half years, i'm single.  and i stuck around for so long in my last relationship because i was SCARED of being single.  ridiculous, right?  but when you're so used to being with someone and having someone to share your life with for so long, going back to being by yourself is pretty scary.

i digress.  why is being single all of those words i described?

fun--i can do WHATever i want with WHOever i want WHENever i want WHEREver i want.  ain't nobody tyin' ME down (sup new boyz).  but it's true.  i was in a long-distance relationship for my first two years in college, and even though he and i swore that we weren't holding each other back from fun, we definitely were.  having fun at a party just isn't the same when you know you have to leave in an hour 'cause your boo is expecting you, or when you have to tear yourself away from a good game of beer pong because he/she's calling.  and shameless flirting? that sh!t don't fly when you're in a committed relationship. being in a relationship says "HEY, IGNORE ME 'CAUSE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WHICH MEANS THE POSSIBILITY OF YOU GETTIN' SOME AFTER WE CONVERSE AND YOU GET TO KNOW ME IS SLIM TO NONE."

scary--the only person i can rely on at the end of the day is me, myself & i.  yes, i know that's what life is at the end of the day, but i don't necessarily like it.  it's weird. but oddly -->

satisfying--knowing that i'm doing my own thing, and knowing that it doesn't have to please anyone but me.  the way i live isn't up for judgment from someone else.  i'm living for me.

lonely--while it's satisfying doing my own thing...i'm still gonna have bad days.  and you know that feeling that creeps up on you on days like that?  the "damn, i just need a little lovin'" or "damn, it would be really nice to cuddle (aaaand then some) with someone on the couch and watch some bad TV" feeling?  yeah.  not as easy to fulfill that kinda loneliness with a homegirl or homeboy.

not stressful--i'll leave it at this: stressin' over the possible double meanings of a guy's text > fighting @ 3 AM because he didn't pick up his phone while playing beer pong.  juuuuust sayin'.

 being single is a nice change of pace.  i think i'll enjoy it for as long as i can.

with love from LA, j