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Fuck You



2 posts in one day?! I know right??? Haha after such a heartfelt post...back to the regular me.

To anyone who actually reads this.

Sorry there have been no updates lately. Summer vacation for J and I has been busy and we have had little time to write something on this blog.

So I am gonna tell you this story because I want you all to understand that this story and this man I am going to talk about basically set the bar for how I want to live my life. This man is one of my heroes and if I can accomplish half the things this man has accomplished then I know I have lived a fulfilling life. I am only writing this here right now because I feel like I want to share this but at the same time no one reads this...YET. hehe

Sidenote: (Now that I think about it, this is actually two stories but they both show you how badass this man is.)

The man I am talking about is my Lolo (grandpa) Cesario Saluta.  As a child he helped raise me and took care of me while my parents were off at work.  He dropped me off at school and later that day he picked me up. He always had a smile on his face and RARELY got mad.  But now let me tell you why he is so amazing.

So, first story, those of you that know my dad know that he likes to glorify the truth a bit. All of his stories seem a bit farfetched but at the same time could possibly have some truth to it. So when he told me this story about his dad I couldn't believe it but at the same time it could be somewhat true.  So one day as a child I asked my dad why my Lolo had a metal pipe placed in his leg and he told me this story. He had a metal pipe in his leg because during World War 2 my Lolo was a helicopter mechanic for the USA in the Philippines. One day he was up testing a helicopter when something exploded below him and a piece of shrapnel flew through the cockpit and hit is leg. He survived and that was why he had a metal pipe in his leg.  Badass right? Well I recently found out that was wrong.  My cousin heard another story.

He heard that my Lolo was in a convoy going to the base when the convoy was attacked. Again shrapnel from the attack hit his leg and he fell. He then got up and ran back to base with a broken leg. Still pretty badass right? Well that is not what happened either. During our trip to the Philippines this summer, my cousin and I asked our grandpa what really did happen. He told us this...

He was in a Jeep going to the base. The Jeep hit a mine and it was ambushed.  My Lolo flew from the Jeep and when he got up he said all he thought was "Shit...get up and get to base." While running he saw one of his comrades injured. He picked up his comrade and carried him back to base which was about a mile away. Once there he collapsed in exhaustion. It was then that he looked at his leg and and saw that it was broken. But not only was it broken but there were maggots eating at his flesh! WHAT?! Now after hearing this story from my grandpa my cousin and I looked at each other and realized that the stories we thought were true were pretty awesome and we were proud to tell them to our friends was not even as awesome as the real story. (He showed us proof on his legs of the maggots) Not only did he save himself, but he saved someone else too! My Lolo is AWESOME!

Now the next story is after this whole metal leg thing. He was discharged from the US air force because of the injury. The next story is how he proposed to my Grandma. So now that he was not in the military anymore, he fought as a guerilla against the Japanese. He fought with my grandma's brothers while she and all the women were hiding in the mountains near their barrio. (It was about two miles from where their house is this present day. I actually went to see the area on my trip there this summer.) Now my Lolo proposed in style. He actually came up to the hut my Lola was in on a white horse carrying a fish and coconut as gifts. HAHA! White horse?! Fish and coconuts?! WHAT?! Maaaaaan! How romantic! HAHA! Well, my Grandma couldn't say no to that! Since then, they have been happily married for 60 years and caring for all the grandchildren. (All of this was confirmed by my Lola and Lolo)

I have been meaning to write this because my Grandpa recently passed. It actually was the day after we left the Philippines. This was a HUGE surprise. He was strong. He walked all the time and talked to us all and looked really healthy. But the day after we left, he had trouble breathing and passed away. Asthma. Anyways it has been a little over 40 days since he has passed and now I have come to terms with it. I realized he passed when he wanted to and was happy.  We all saw him while he was strong...it was something he wanted. He got to see everyone. Literally everyone. It was fate. The whole family was not planning on going when we did but it ended up that literally everyone came.

Now...these stories just show how amazing my grandpa is but it really does not justify how amazing he really is was. He helped raise 6 kids and then took care of at least 13 of us grandchildren. He was a quiet man that smiled all the time. He listened and gave us advice when we asked him for some. He would sing songs all the time. He had many little sayings he always said. But his biggest thing was family. By far, family was the most important to him. I attribute a lot of how I am today because of him. I learned chivalry from him. Also respect, the importance of family, to live life with a positive attitude, to smile as much as possibly, and to listen. Because of him me and my cousins and family in general are extremely close. They are my best friends and the best part is we are blood so they can't be mad at me forever! =)

But no...back to my point. My goal in life is to live my life like he did. and again...if I accomplish half the things he did then I know I have lived a good life. So Lolo...just you watch. I am gonna make you proud. (because I am not planning to go and enlist....I cannot get my leg blow up and eaten by maggots and carry someone...sooo I guess I'm gonna have to step up that proposal Lo...Ride in on a tiger with that coconut and fish or something...HAHAHA! Love you Lo...I know you are watching over us all. Just keep watching cause I am gonna make you proud.

P.s. sorry about the random ass post. Maybe this will help you understand where I come from and why I do what I do in later posts? Not too sure. But its out there.

-S

Destiny

So J doesn't EVER talk to me unless it's to say that I should blog when she herself has not blogged in awhile...interesting.

Anyways what I am writing about today is something that always seems to come up whenever I am with a certain group of friends of mine. "Do you believe in destiny?" My answer to this usually consists of 2 words. First one being FUCK and the second being NO.

Now here are a couple of quotes that support why I do not believe in destiny.

"Destiny is for losers. It's just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen."
-Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)

You by now are probably thinking "What?! A guy claiming he's not gay watches Gossip Girl?! That's pretty gay..." That's what I would be thinking. But no I do not watch Gossip Girl. My friend who watches it actually sent me that quote awhile ago and it just kinda stuck. I don't think I have to explain that quote it is pretty self-explanatory but yea. I don't believe that life and the world has a plan for me. I believe that I myself have to choose what I become and what I do and who I meet.

Another couple of quotes:

"This is your world. Shape it or someone else will."

"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become."

"Every time you meet someone, make an impression. Make them think you're the hottest thing in the world. Make them think they're gonna lose their job if they don't give you one. Look them in the eye and never look away. Be confident and calm, be bold."

OK so this is a bit scatterbrained of me but basically all of these quotes I feel sort of support my whole thing that destiny is what you make it.

Now let's apply this to this whole dating thing going on these days.  So destiny...basically it's saying that there is someone perfect for you out there. another view is that there may be multiple perfect people but I will go into that one later. Anyways I say FUCK THAT. No ones perfect. Again that whole perfect thing is another topic.

Destiny... I say you have to make your own destiny. You may see this girl you find to be gorgeous and an awesome person but people tell you she is WAAAAY out of your league. So what happens now? you have basically 2 choices. Either you go over there and talk to the girl and see what happens...OR you don't and you just move on with life not knowing if there would be anything there.

You have to actively pursue what you want and make the choices to get to where you want. The world doesn't give a crap about you. You are the only person who really has your best interest in mind. So don't sit there and HOPE something good is gonna happen to you one day. MAKE something good happen. Pursue happiness. Whether that be by chasing paper, chasing that one girl, or just chillin. Do what you want to do to make you happy. Make your own destiny and fuck what others think or say about what you are doing. You are the only one who matters. You may fall mentally, physically or socially a couple times but just pick yourself up and keep moving because as Dr. Seuss once said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." 


HOLLA! hahaha well that was an interesting very  tangential little write up. Maybe I'll fix it maybe I won't. (I probably won't HAHAHA just saying.)




-S
"Expect the best, be prepared for the worst, FUCK what others think and do your own thing." Words I live by.

unfulfilled

i've got it all, but i feel so deprived
i go up, i come down & i'm emptier inside
tell me, what is this thing that i feel like i'm missing?
and why can't i let it go?
there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.
'cause the more that i'm trippin' out thinkin' that there's more to life
well there's life, i'm sure, but there's gotta be more than wanting more.

 haha, i wonder if anyone remembers this song from way back in the day!  anyway, let me preface this post with an explanation.  some say that the world is made up of two people; people who listen to the music in a song, and people who listen to the lyrics in a song.  i'm definitely one of the lyrics people.  often, i think a song will explain how i'm feeling better than words can.

so this is my current jam.  here i am, a 20-year-old living in one of the most exciting cities in the world with all of the resources and time...and i'm feeling bored and unfulfilled.  i'm sitting on my bed, playing game after game of sudoku on my phone, feeling like there has gotta be more to life than whatever the hell i'm doing right now.  but what?  i'm not sure.  it's the kinda boredom where you feel like nothing is gonna keep your attention.

when this kinda boredom sets in, i usually try to find someone who's just as bored to bug and get some company, but i'm slowly realizing that i'm only enabling my own dependency on other people that way.  if it's not a boyfriend or a boothang i'm calling to keep me occupied, it's my best friends.  the whole goal of this summer is to learn to love to be alone and love time with myself.  sounds so easy, but is so much harder than it looks.

i just feel so antsy, looking for something to do, ANYTHING to do. but i guess it's time to appreciate the quiet.

i'll end with these two quotes:

"boredom is one's inability to spend quality time with oneself." -- my friend's facebook

"boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is." -- thomas s. szasz

with love from LA, j

target will be the death of my bank account

random blog post to say:
WHY IS TARGET SO WONDERFUL/HORRIBLE at the same time?! i swear i walk in there with a mission to get one or two things and then come out blowing $50 on random things.
I HATE YOU, TARGET.  but i love you so much...sigh.

with love from LA, j

being single

s called me out, haha.  so here i am.  one of my biggest flaws: having so many ideas and so much enthusiasm for something, then failing to follow through because...it doesn't come out perfectly.  i've had so many great ideas for different blog entries but i didn't know where to begin.

so i'll start here.

being single is fun. scary. satisfying. lonely.  & NOT STRESSFUL AT ALL.  why those particular words?

for the first time in three years and a half years, i'm single.  and i stuck around for so long in my last relationship because i was SCARED of being single.  ridiculous, right?  but when you're so used to being with someone and having someone to share your life with for so long, going back to being by yourself is pretty scary.

i digress.  why is being single all of those words i described?

fun--i can do WHATever i want with WHOever i want WHENever i want WHEREver i want.  ain't nobody tyin' ME down (sup new boyz).  but it's true.  i was in a long-distance relationship for my first two years in college, and even though he and i swore that we weren't holding each other back from fun, we definitely were.  having fun at a party just isn't the same when you know you have to leave in an hour 'cause your boo is expecting you, or when you have to tear yourself away from a good game of beer pong because he/she's calling.  and shameless flirting? that sh!t don't fly when you're in a committed relationship. being in a relationship says "HEY, IGNORE ME 'CAUSE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WHICH MEANS THE POSSIBILITY OF YOU GETTIN' SOME AFTER WE CONVERSE AND YOU GET TO KNOW ME IS SLIM TO NONE."

scary--the only person i can rely on at the end of the day is me, myself & i.  yes, i know that's what life is at the end of the day, but i don't necessarily like it.  it's weird. but oddly -->

satisfying--knowing that i'm doing my own thing, and knowing that it doesn't have to please anyone but me.  the way i live isn't up for judgment from someone else.  i'm living for me.

lonely--while it's satisfying doing my own thing...i'm still gonna have bad days.  and you know that feeling that creeps up on you on days like that?  the "damn, i just need a little lovin'" or "damn, it would be really nice to cuddle (aaaand then some) with someone on the couch and watch some bad TV" feeling?  yeah.  not as easy to fulfill that kinda loneliness with a homegirl or homeboy.

not stressful--i'll leave it at this: stressin' over the possible double meanings of a guy's text > fighting @ 3 AM because he didn't pick up his phone while playing beer pong.  juuuuust sayin'.

 being single is a nice change of pace.  i think i'll enjoy it for as long as i can.

with love from LA, j

Being Real Sometimes Gets You Hated On

First of all, I am gonna post again because J never seems to even though this is her idea to have this blog. =p

I once again had a very entertaining conversation with my friend about how much looks matter and because of this conversation, she probably is really mad at me at this moment in time. Of course she says looks don't matter that much and that it is all personality at the end. This I believe is true but I believe looks matter more than people say they do. I am not just talking about in the "love of your life" but I am talking about friends too.

People do not want to be called shallow and just looking skin deep and thats why they say looks do not matter as much as they really do to them.  I am just being real. When someone asks me if looks matter I say yes.  Just to reiterate looks matter in the beginning but as time goes on they matter less and less. Personality is way more important than looks but looks DO matter.

We are all shallow. I am just saying.  We do not go up to someone we think is ugly and introduce ourselves to them because they may have a nice personality. The only time we actively go introduce ourselves to someone or keep a conversation with someone longer than necessary is if we think there is a possibility that we may have some sort of future with this person. Even if we do not say have an intimate relationship with them we become friends because we find out they are "cool" or that we bond with them in some way and can relate to them. But at some point (usually in the beginning) one person usually is thinking there is some sort of potential of there being a relationship with the other person.

There of course is an exception. Say with friends.  Sometimes you are introduced or forced to make friends with one person to get to another. Means to an end. You want their friends to like you because their friends have the power to convince the person you are attracted to to end the relationship. Also there are times when say you make friends with someone because basically you work together or go to school together and are in all the same classes and always see each other just because they are there and might as well make friends with them. (ie: J and I haha WSUP! Yes I was FORCED to make friends with you because of middle school.)

Anyways I all of a sudden got tired and dont want to write or edit this anymore so i will do it tmrw or the next time I feel like it.  I dont even know if this thing makes sense yet. Probably not. But i will finish it soon promise!

keep it real always
-S

Calling it how I see it.

Hi. I'm S. Believe it or not people actually call me that in reality. Anyways. I'm 21 and reside in the Bay Area.

Like the title says, what I blog about is how I see it. A lot of what I say is what goes through my mind while conversing with people about relationships or things I have learned from past experiences and or people I look up to and hold up with respect. You may agree or disagree so feel free to hate it or love it.

Because...

Lastly I just love this e-card so I'm sharing it with all of you.

(p.s. If you know me personally I actually send this pic when you are being a little bitch. No Joke.)

Hope you enjoy this little blog of ours!

Best Wishes,

-S

FIRST.

woo! first post!

hey blogosphere. i'm j. & this here's my first truly public foray into blogging. not just about that "oh hey, this is what i did today" kinda shit. it's about to get real. because all those other blogs you read? yeah, they're cool. they're wise. but get ready to read something real, and something you can relate to.

why? 'cause i'm your average almost-21-year-old girl, completely clueless about what i'm doing with my life in terms of...well, everything.

school? almost done and i still feel like i'm straight outta high school.

work? i'm...uhh...working on figuring that out.

love? i'm almost 21 and this...this is the first time i've ever been really truly single and independent, none of that "oh haaaay i'm single so let's mingle so i can hop onto the next one as quickly as possible" kinda shit.

welcome to my life. that's just a little about me. 'cause to be honest, i'm still figuring out who "me" is. join me, 'cause i'm sure you have no idea either.

with love from LA, j